Stop smothering me

At the hospital I was told I was only allowed 1 person in the prep room with me This is where ill be waiting for my number to be up, so to speak. Of course I want my husband with me because there is not another person that i am as comfortable with. Not even my mother would be the one I chose to hang with me.

Ever since things started a year ago with the breast pain I keep having these conversations with my fathers girlfriend. 'If you want another female with you or to talk to...' is always what she says. I understand that she knows that I have no mother to lean on or to talk to. My choice of a 'female' presence wouldnt be a 65 year old woman that is living off my fathers lifetime of hard work. (dad called to tell me that she is going to call and ask me, again) I am not close with her. I do not feel comfortable around her. I mean she judges me because I do not clean my house up when my in-laws come over. I am who I am. You dont like it, then too bad. At this point in my life if I needed a female it would be my friend Laurel. She is the only one that can keep my mind off of the serious and just be silly with me. She may even help me laugh right through the surgery.

Anyways. There is one thing that my father and his girlfriend dont understand is that I dont like to be smothered. I dont like people hovering and pity'ing. I cant see these faces, it would only make my anxiety feel worse. I dont want people sitting there because I am having surgery and anticipating. I am ok with this. Remember, this is my choice = my control. I feel that people being there and just making comments about whatever and then most likely saying something that would piss me off would make things just worse. Ryan and I will probably fight about the fact that he is playing Words With Friends all morning while i sit there practically shitting my pants because i am so nervous. That will keep my mind off of things and pass the time. I can see ryans sigh of relief when they put the anesthesia to work. He would be like 'man, i never thought that would ever end'

Ryan did tell the doctor yesterday that he wants to be there when i have to count down from 10 because thats the funniest thing. Knowing him, he would video it and put it on facebook. No wait, he would video it and i would tell him to put it on facebook after he showed it to me. lol.

My point. She can go to the hospital, to support my father. He is probably going to need a  hand. But I dont need it. I have been through much worse and I already have the person i want by my side for it. I am a very strong person when i really need to be. Thats what makes me a survivor!