Friday post op

Im still in pain. I mean really. When i ask people to be honest with me about it, why arent they? Someone told me because its because they dont want me to not go through the procedure just because of the fear of pain. Yea, good point. I seriously thought i would be making it worse than it really is so i can get some good sleep time and TV time. I am sleeping more than I am awake and I am lucky if I can make it through a whole show. Im looking forward to the next couple of days that the pain will subside.

I was talking to my aunt yesterday and she was telling me that she has friends that refuse to take the BRCA test even though they have daughters in their 40's getting diagnosed with breast cancer. Most of them, have daughters themselves. Wouldnt you want to kow if there is a gene that will enable you to be more aware? That will have you make sure you check and recheck with doctors? Dont these people want to be around to see their children and grandchildren grow up? I just see it as ignorant.

My mom was a smoker for 40 years. It was a clutch. It was her weakness. She was also one of these out of sight, out of mind people. She refused to go get chest x-rays yearly even thought the doctors insisted. She refused even though she had a nasty wet cough for YEARS. Because she didnt want to know, she watches my children grow up from above, rather than be in their lives.

I spoke to my moms friend who I always consider a second mom today. She says she is so proud of me. I made a good choice for me! And even though the choice was for me, my children will most likely have me around much longer than what nature has intended in the first place. She says that she talks to other people about me and my experience. This makes me beyond happy because now I know that one thing I have gone through will touch someone else. SOmeone will think about my situation and be like 'thats what Randi thought' or 'Thats why Randi did (or didnt) do this or that'. Ill leave an impression. Ill be very small but important in someones thoughts.

I am brave! I am brave for finding out my test results. I am brave for facing the truth. I am brave for making a big decision and sticking with it. I am brave for not letting anyone discourage me from my choices. I am brave because I want to be here, and not up there!