In the surgical waiting room.

Here I . Waiting for them to take me in and start plugging me up to
iv's and taking blood pressure. I am suddenly scared and not brave!

Will I wake up from the procedure? How much pain will I be in? A year
ago I never thought that I would be in this position. My family will
be permanently complete. No choices no scares. No birth control no
worries. I thought it would be Ryan thatgot the slice and snip, not
me.

Will I do this and still get the inevitable? Am I messing with nature
and is she going to get back at me with a vengeance?

Fuck. I'm scared!