I just got back from playing Mah-jong withmy friends. These are people I have met through my son when he was going through preschool. They kinda stuck and I havent realized what a great influence they all are to me. I didnt realize what great friends and most importantly what great people they are. a few of them know me a little more than some people should at so early in a relationship. I even said that they know me very well that I am probably the worlds most negative person, but they keep me around anyway. Someone really sees something good about me, even though a lot of the time i dont see it.
When I was down about being alone when I was having Mira, they threw me a tiny baby shower. I remember going home that afternoon and crying so much because i felt so loved. Even tho i didnt feel i deserved it or earned it. Wow, friends are powerful. There are people out there that also put peoples negative qualities aside and sees something good, just like me! Amazing.
They were playing another game to help one of them win at least one game (I hope you did win RS) (Hahaha, I just realized she even has the same initials as me.) I really was feeling tired and just wanted to crawl into my bed, so i decided to leave and let them play. As I was leaving they were ALL so supportive and wishing me well with the surgery next week. (yes, i am missing mah jong for this surgery which is unheard of for me). And at that moment i realized that i am really liked and well loved by friends. True friends.
You have to understand, in July just before my birthday I was feeling very down, even close to suicidal because i felt like no one liked me. I had this overwhelming feeling that if i were to die at that moment, there would be no one at my funeral. No one would want to remember me. That I never made an impression on anyone, i have never been a positive force in anyones life. I have lived all my life just wanting to please the world around me and no one was. It really was a tough time for me.
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