Today I visited my therapist for the last time before my surgery. I think we were both expecting this session to be about calming my nerves and helping me get a hold of my thoughts and to just get through all this.
We were both pleasently surprised I think. She asked how I feel abouit all of this and so on and I actually took a moment and realized that I am calm. I am not nervous. I am OK with it. WOW! What a change. If you knew me you would think that I was bouncing off the walls already. But it really turns out that this is a surgery I have had complete control over. I have the information but actually doing the surgery is completely my choice. This means that I am in control and that If I choose to do it, then I can be nervous about the procedure and all the things that can go wrong, but I want to get it done. I dont have to please anyone, I dont have to be brave for anyone. This is for myself. I am doing this because I want it (did i say that already) I dont want to go with the other options and this IS the right option for me.
For once, I feel in control of something..and this something is BIG!
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