this past year i have had some real big dips in my moods and they have been really bad. Today was ALMOST one of those days. I think i have been gettinga better grip on these things and not resorting to the thoughts that the world around me would be better off without me.
Lets start out that this morning my kids tore through a lounge pillow and left the remains all over my room. Jory fought me tooth and nail about getting to school for one reason or another (i just dont have the energy to explain everything) He had a half day, refused to do homework, fought me about picking mira up, fought me on the snack, fought me about going home, then she started in on him and the 2 of them together is a nightmare and a half. If you wanted to kill yourself before with just one kid, the 2 of them together will make it ok to have a long and painful death as long as you are not near them. Trust me!
We get home and they refuse to stay seperate then they fought like a married couple. Over and over and over...its just too much to type, still. I called the hubby a few times to vent a bit. Then he gets home and makes everything 3000 times worse. Again, not gonna get into it.
People always say 'you can call me' and blah blah blah but i really wonder if i did call any of those people today would they really let me cry to them, tell them that my liufe sucks big time and that i just wish my kids were not the way they were. Sometimes i even want to say i wish i only had one. Which one? Doesnt matter..the 2 of them together, like i said, are a NIGHTMARE. I just dont really know if people really want to listen.
Now i am off to put Mira to sleep and I hope to the powers above that when the boys get home, i do not have to yell or scream or blow my top or hold it in or anything like that. I dont think my body and mind can handle anymore. Really, i cant.
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